European Turtle Dove

Love beyond symbolism

Original photograph by Andrew Morffew, design by Wietske Merison

I once had a crush on a birder. Back then, I thought birding was silly. “How foolish,” I thought, “to want to ‘master’ the names of all the birds when you could simply enjoy their company.” The birder and I were having a cup of tea on my balcony, and he was pointing out all the different types of Doves and Pigeons that flew by. I wasn’t impressed. But I did feel some butterflies in my stomach when he touched my arm and said, “Look, there on the rooftop! It’s a pair of Turtle Doves enjoying each other’s company.”

In the Netherlands, Doves are a symbol of love and romance. When a couple is very clearly in love, we may refer to them as ‘Turtle Doves’ (‘tortelduifjes’). Similarly, ‘mijn duifje’ (‘my little Dove’) is an old-fashioned term of endearment used between spouses. Shakespeare wrote of the Turtle Dove as a great lover, the Ottoman Sultan Süleyman compared his beloved wife to a Turtle Dove in a love song, and the writer of the folk song There Is a Tavern in the Town dramatically asked for the chest of his dead body to be engraved with the image of a Turtle Dove, to signify he died of love. At weddings, many couples choose to release Doves as a symbol of love, unity, and fidelity. But why? What is it about Doves that is so romantic?

European Turtle Doves are monogamous and mate for life. During the period of courtship, when a male Dove meets a female he would like to take as his partner, he puffs out his chest and bobs up and down with a lowered beak to try and impress her. If she is indeed impressed and accepts him as her mate, they will be loyal to one another for the rest of their lives. Together, then, the couple will start building a nest. Their home is frail, made out of thin twigs, roots, plant stems, and sometimes even hair. A cozy, soft home. Turtle Doves are shy birds and like their privacy. Within the safe embrace of a tree, they show their affection to one another. Gently purring, they perch closely together. They lovingly preen each other’s feathers. And at times, they will even share a little kiss.

Many couples are blessed to welcome eggs into their nests. Both spouses take turns incubating the eggs. Commonly, the male Dove will keep them safe and cozy during the day, whereas the female Dove brings them her love and warmth at night. Most eggs hatch after about two weeks in their parents’ embrace. And once the little ones hatch, both parents care for them and feed them for another two weeks. Then, their young spread their wings to find love and build a home of their own.

The life of a Turtle Dove is not all about roses. About a third of their eggs and half of their young are killed and eaten by nest robbers such as Jays and Magpies. When the ultimate test befalls them, and a Turtle Dove’s spouse passes away, they mourn, becoming quiet, dejected, and withdrawn. Some brokenhearted lovers have even been seen returning to their partner's site of death in remembrance. After a while, some of them may find love again. But others are overtaken by their grief. Unable to take care of themselves in the absence of their beloved, they too meet their end.

The faithful, tender love of the Turtle Dove has inspired many. As such, the bird has become a symbol of love, beloved by romantics. But unfortunately, many self-professed romantics are better at drawing hearts than at taking care of them, better at plucking flowers than at growing them, and better at making love than at sustaining it. Rather than learning the lessons the Turtle Dove teaches us about love, care, and fidelity, and applying them in our lives, we prefer to commoditize them. We prefer a moment of overwhelming romance, as we release pretty Doves at our weddings. We get so absorbed in that satisfying, symbolic moment that we don’t even notice that most of these domesticated Doves or Pigeons we release are defenseless prey that will meet their brutal end within hours of us ‘setting them free’. Like puppies thrown into a lions’ den. How can something ugly symbolize beauty? How can hatred symbolize love? Instead of learning from our teachers, we kill them. For many other reasons, mostly related to agricultural intensification and hunting, the European Turtle Dove is now classified as a vulnerable species, threatened with extinction.

In Surah Al-Baqarah, ‘The Cow’, the second chapter of the Qur’an, God tells us “Your spouses are a garment for you, as you are for them” (Qur’an 2:187). What a beautiful expression. Our spouses fit us like a glove, embrace us like a scarf, and keep us warm like a winter coat. Our spouses protect us like a helmet, support us like a corset, and beautify us like a flowy evening gown. I have always believed the Divine has a great sense of humor. And I believe the Most Wise knew that there would be a time when this beautiful statement would wisely point towards a great flaw in our society.

At the time and place in which this verse was revealed, clothing was precious, hand-made, and sustainably sourced. Many people made and mended their own garments and owned only a few outfits. It is incomparable to our contemporary context of bulging closets and fast fashion. Many of us shop for clothes online, where the choice of colors, fabrics, and styles is endless. Similarly, our choice of romantic partners has become seemingly endless. Dating apps provide us with an environment that is not unlike online shopping. We quickly scan the looks, income, height, and hobbies of our potential candidates and swipe on until we find a match that meets our criteria.

Clothes have become cheap, and we don’t expect them to accompany us for many seasons. Fashion changes from one day to the next, and what would have been a great look last year, might reveal poor style if worn today. Similarly, romance has become available to us at a seemingly low price. One-night stands and birth control offer sex without any commitment, and in dating culture yesterday’s girlfriend is tomorrow’s ex. When the cheap sequins start falling off and our pretty party dresses lose their ‘spark’, we simply get rid of them.

Even within the context of marriage, ‘till death do us part’ has become more of a symbolic phrase for many. Don’t get me wrong, divorce is a mercy in abusive or dysfunctional marriages. But divorce is cheap for a man when he no longer finds his partner attractive after she bore his children. Like a pair of baggy pants, she is tossed away. Equally, divorce is cheap for a woman when she finds a new partner who offers her greater wealth or pleasure than the man who provided for her comfort and the comfort of her children throughout the years. That itchy old cardigan is easily replaced by a glamorous fur coat.

How many of us are willing to tailor our garments to fit our growth throughout the years? When the garments of our marriages start showing wear and tear, how many of us opt to mend them? How many of us are truly willing to work through arguments, apologize, and forgive?

Clothes that last a lifetime are no longer fashionable. But why not? The Robin wears the same coat every year, and it never goes out of fashion. Neither does the mantle of the Bluebird. The Hoopoe doesn’t switch its hat every week. But somehow, when I tell my friends that I’ve had my favorite pair of pants for almost seven years, they look at me with pity. Somehow, when they see my unskillfully mended socks, they remind me that socks are cheap and I should just buy new ones.

Love is not cheap. Love is the most valuable gift. It is God’s currency. Love is not just a brief moment of romance, butterflies, and physical attraction. Love is God calling our name. It is not possible to love God without loving God’s creation. God is there where duality becomes a singularity, where two become one. Where darkness becomes light, and hatred becomes love.

So let’s love. Let’s love truly, fully, and committedly. Let’s work through arguments, let’s mend our garments and beautify them with every stitch. Until we ourselves become a symbol of love. Until Turtle Doves, no longer threatened with extinction, will lovingly refer to their spouses as ‘mijn mensje’ (‘My Little Human’).